Look for the good
I once had a friend who talked about jumping off the world, like it was some sort of roundabout, so you could stand still and catch your breath before hopping back on. Over the past thirty years I have often dreamt of this, wishing it was reality.
Never did I consider the option where it was the world that stopped, nor the plethora of emotions that would follow. In the past week I've been anxious, worried, sad, cross, disappointed, downright gutted, concerned, confused, conflicted, grateful, hopeful and occasionally optimistic - my head's spinning and I want the chance to extract myself from it all more than ever.
Sounds like social distancing has come at just the right time, except rather than sitting at home surrounded by the books I haven't read, my knitting and multiple art projects, I'm going to be busier than usual shopping for my 93 year old father and trying to work out where to forage for food now that the supermarket shelves are bare - with the notable exception of some wholewheat spaghetti that even the most selfish of West Yorkshire's hoarders apparently aren't prepared to chew their way through.
When lives have changed overnight and there are people who have lost loved ones and livelihoods, I appreciate that my concerns over demands on my time and how on earth I adapt to having my husband at home and sharing my work-space are somewhat facile. But, for whilst the triggers could be considered be trivial, irrational and self-centred the resultant kick starting of my flight-or-flight response is real and I have spent the majority of the week resisting the urge to join in with the mass panic buying that has resulted in so much unnecessary stress for everyone, and staring out of the window thinking that perhaps we would have made a different decision about building a garden art studio if we had known what was coming. (I'm now staring at the greenhouse and wondering if that could work, before coming to the conclusion that our need for tomatoes might be greater than my need for personal space!)
Idle thoughts? Perhaps, but I am glad that my mind has started thinking outside the box. I do actually consider myself to be fairly pragmatic and, despite many a gut reaction to the contrary, try to find ways to say 'yes' to things rather than 'no'. There is creativity and opportunity to be found in facing adversity and, for those of us less affected by the COVID-19 pandemic, a chance to sit with ourselves and be grateful for all that we DO have, rather than focus on that which we don't.
For now, I am healthy, I have a roof over my head and food to eat. I have beautiful open spaces that I am still free to walk my dog around and roads to run along. I have the wonder of nature to offer hope and inspiration - leaves shed, the trees are but a winter ahead of us, ready to burst forth with life, they emerge from their own self isolation.... I have my family, who are all safe, friends who I might not be able to see but I know are there, and a husband who is also my soul mate. How very fortunate I am. (Except there is the small matter of an isolating guitar teacher and a lesson by Skype this evening, which makes me think perhaps I spoke too soon last week about getting to choose what music I listen to!)
I think what I'm trying to say is this... look for the good, think of the things that make you happy.
As if by magic, my friend has just posted a little gift through my door (thank you!!!). A self heating eye mask so I can enjoy some 'me' time amongst all this uncertainty. An offer of 'Interstellar Relaxation' that will transport me to another dimension for approximately 15 minutes of other-worldly warmth before returning me to planet Earth.
Looks like I might be able to jump off the world after all.
Never did I consider the option where it was the world that stopped, nor the plethora of emotions that would follow. In the past week I've been anxious, worried, sad, cross, disappointed, downright gutted, concerned, confused, conflicted, grateful, hopeful and occasionally optimistic - my head's spinning and I want the chance to extract myself from it all more than ever.
Sounds like social distancing has come at just the right time, except rather than sitting at home surrounded by the books I haven't read, my knitting and multiple art projects, I'm going to be busier than usual shopping for my 93 year old father and trying to work out where to forage for food now that the supermarket shelves are bare - with the notable exception of some wholewheat spaghetti that even the most selfish of West Yorkshire's hoarders apparently aren't prepared to chew their way through.
When lives have changed overnight and there are people who have lost loved ones and livelihoods, I appreciate that my concerns over demands on my time and how on earth I adapt to having my husband at home and sharing my work-space are somewhat facile. But, for whilst the triggers could be considered be trivial, irrational and self-centred the resultant kick starting of my flight-or-flight response is real and I have spent the majority of the week resisting the urge to join in with the mass panic buying that has resulted in so much unnecessary stress for everyone, and staring out of the window thinking that perhaps we would have made a different decision about building a garden art studio if we had known what was coming. (I'm now staring at the greenhouse and wondering if that could work, before coming to the conclusion that our need for tomatoes might be greater than my need for personal space!)
Idle thoughts? Perhaps, but I am glad that my mind has started thinking outside the box. I do actually consider myself to be fairly pragmatic and, despite many a gut reaction to the contrary, try to find ways to say 'yes' to things rather than 'no'. There is creativity and opportunity to be found in facing adversity and, for those of us less affected by the COVID-19 pandemic, a chance to sit with ourselves and be grateful for all that we DO have, rather than focus on that which we don't.
For now, I am healthy, I have a roof over my head and food to eat. I have beautiful open spaces that I am still free to walk my dog around and roads to run along. I have the wonder of nature to offer hope and inspiration - leaves shed, the trees are but a winter ahead of us, ready to burst forth with life, they emerge from their own self isolation.... I have my family, who are all safe, friends who I might not be able to see but I know are there, and a husband who is also my soul mate. How very fortunate I am. (Except there is the small matter of an isolating guitar teacher and a lesson by Skype this evening, which makes me think perhaps I spoke too soon last week about getting to choose what music I listen to!)
I think what I'm trying to say is this... look for the good, think of the things that make you happy.
As if by magic, my friend has just posted a little gift through my door (thank you!!!). A self heating eye mask so I can enjoy some 'me' time amongst all this uncertainty. An offer of 'Interstellar Relaxation' that will transport me to another dimension for approximately 15 minutes of other-worldly warmth before returning me to planet Earth.
Looks like I might be able to jump off the world after all.
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