Play
In a roundabout way I think what I was trying to say last week is that I like measured outcomes. I work best to deadlines and have a tendency to gravitate towards doing things where the end result is more or less known at the start. I have no doubt that, on some level, it is the relative safety of this approach that appeals to me, and, in the case of running events it's always good to witness the elation of those who have successfully crossed the finish before signing on the dotted line, although the smiles often belie the effort and sometimes pain in getting there. Thus when the 'magnificent seven' registered for this year's Endure 24 within a week of finishing last year's event we thought we knew what to expect - and then 2020 arrived.
But, if it was odd last year that we would choose to set up camp and then run five mile laps from midday Saturday to midday Sunday with only the promise of a T-shirt at the end, it may be odder still that we would do so under lockdown, each running our laps from home and handing over by means of a text message (but with the added bonus of our own beds). With no timing mat to hold hands and run over on our final lap and nothing to play for but honour, we had no idea what the outcome of getting up at half past three on Sunday morning to either run or lend support would be, yet we gave it our all anyway and ended up somewhere wonderful, a decidedly happy place a little over a hundred and fifty miles from where we started...
There is joy in the not knowing, excitement, adventure and discovery. My need for a recognised conclusion may keep me 'safe' but where is the spark? The fun? The risk?
As if it knew I needed to heed this lesson, the Universe sent me a challenge by way of a somewhat simple request to share a work in progress. Soon to be a featured locally as part of a Highlighted Artist Initiative, I was asked as part of an interview to submit pictures of the aforementioned work. Firstly I didn't have any such piece and secondly, I don't take kindly to sharing en route. But when a deadline looms and needs must I found myself taking a photograph and using it as inspiration for artwork, without placing any requirements on myself as to where it would end up - in other words a chance to play.
For two days I turned our table into my studio, pushing my work to one side when it was time to eat, absorbed, inspired and enchanted by the simple pleasure of mark making before packing everything away once I created enough to fulfil the brief. Game Over. Time to get on with something more important.
For any individual this is sad, for an artist it is sacrilege. There is nothing more important. I appease my need to create by having a knitting project on the go - set pattern, given number of stitches and line by line instructions. With a spare five minutes I can pick up the needles and knit another of the 26 rows that I have left to finish the cardigan I am making, and for whilst I will end up with something to wear that I have produced from a single string of yarn, it isn't the level of creativity that I yearn for and it certainly isn't play (as my language gives testament to, when it goes wrong).
I find it really hard to give myself the freedom to play, yet twice this week I have, and as a result I have nurtured my soul. To quote author Lucia Capacchione:
Play keeps us vital and alive. It gives us an enthusiasm for life that is irreplaceable. Without it, life just doesn't taste good.
And just for the avoidance of doubt, I can confirm that the team cream tea consumed on Sunday afternoon tasted very sweet indeed.
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