Resolutions

On Christmas Day I completed my self-set challenge for 2020 - to both run and walk a minimum of 20km for 20 consecutive weeks.  Having previously fallen short of the mark at 19 weeks I am justifiably proud of this achievement. But around the same time as I was running those final miles, Strava (my fitness tracking app of choice) released an annual summary of my efforts and, skimming past the fact that I'd covered a combined total of over sixteen hundred miles, my entire focus fell on the fact that apparently I was active for 289 days.  All I could think was "What happened to the other 76?"  I remember sitting with my feet up for a few days having twisted my ankle, but 10 weeks of idleness across the year? This is not how I remember it! 

There is a saying amongst the converted "If it's not on Strava, it didn't happen" except that I really think it did.  Which can only lead me to conclude that, heaven forbid, I went out on numerous occasions without tracking my every step.

What a curious state of affairs then, that these days of 'freedom' would lead to so much end of year disappointment, which bodes two questions:
Why is it so much easier to focus on what I haven't done rather than what I have?; and
Why am I allowing an app on my phone to play such havoc with my feelings?

For whilst it is comforting to know that I am definitely not alone with this, it has been a bit of wake up call to keep things real and, one week into 2021, I think this might serve me well as a New Year's resolution.  Increasingly living in a world I don't recognise, perhaps this is one way to help counter the surrealism playing out on the TV news on a seemingly nightly basis.

The re-emergence of lockdown has returned my living and workspace into Mr L's classroom, only this time the requirement to stream live lessons means that I've lost use of the computer for the vast majority of the day.  A small sacrifice and inconvenience in the grand scheme of things but one that will take time to adjust to nevertheless.

Still, determined at least to attempt learning my lesson by focussing on what I can do, I'm seeing this as an opportunity to step away from the screen and actually DO something - in a 'Why Don't You?' kind of a way (for those of a certain generation!).  Tidy out the cupboards, sort my fabric, read a book, write things out by hand (like the draft of this blog) and create - old school - with actual tangible artists materials. This last point is something that both excites and slightly terrifies me.  Yet it feels fitting that almost half way through my 100 day dress challenge, my artistic practice is being forced back to basics also.   It feels good to hold a paintbrush and work with printing inks and inspired that I was printing with the base of a bunch of celery whilst the rest of it was simmering into soup.

Eight days in and already there doesn't seem to be much 'Happy' in the New Year, but here's to making more moments like those, where the outside world is kept out, and the inside world is given the attention it deserves, if only for as long as it takes to make my lunch.  Lots of little moments adding up to something far greater.  Rest assured however, I'm not trying to find a way to keep track, so I can look back at the year end and marvel at how many hours I spent actively engaged in doing, (besides which I'll have my sketchbook and tidy house as concrete evidence - "Ah yes!"),  but I may have started making a note of my daily exercise in my diary...

'New Year - New Me' as may be, but there's enough of the old me left to know that come December there'll be some things I've still not let go of.