Adjustment

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments

The Invitation by Oriah

As a dog walker I feel like it has been raining almost continuously since October and I have been waiting a long time for spring.  I know that it is bringing it's own problems with the number of people being outside but, waiting in line to gain access to the supermarket in controlled numbers, I was glad of the sun this morning.  It is also going some way to suppressing the feeling that the dystopian future, that authors have long since imagined, has actually arrived because in my head I can't quite equate that with sunshine.

It is however, going to take more than some nice weather for me to believe, as some are trying to propose, that we are instead heading to some sort of utopia once this is all over.  A society where we are appreciative of what we've got, shop local, regenerate our seaside towns and re-evaluate how we view the worth of nurses, teachers and other front line workers who we'd learned to take for granted until we realised how much we needed them. Why? Because that requires people to change their habits, and as someone who has spent years trying to change hers I know that it is just not that easy.

I think it is fair to say that this week has been one of readjustment in our house.  I didn't know how much taking the dog out in the morning was part of my routine until my husband said he'd do it, nor how much Al coming downstairs to feed Dougal was part of the dog's until I came down first, already wearing running kit, and instead of eating his breakfast the poor thing ran off to hide. Three days into exercising separately, but each taking the dog, had him shaking from head to foot at the thought of another walk and, from the picture (that my son informs me is a meme) doing the rounds on the internet of a dog staying out of reach on top of the kitchen cupboards, so as not to be walked AGAIN, it would appear that we are not alone.

I am cross that the Government weren't better prepared for something that I don't think was unforeseen, yet I live in a house with a dripping tap that eventually is going to break but I haven't sourced a replacement part, and for whilst it is more complicated than just buying a new washer it isn't beyond my skill set, I just haven't got round to doing anything about it despite being fully aware of the consequences.

I am a master at procrastination but it turns out only on my terms. Apparently I am perfectly happy to put off doing things when I make the choice, but when I've to wait to get onto the computer (for example!) I can't think of anything to do to fill the time apart from hover nearby, possibly communicating my frustration in a non verbal fashion....

We are all going to learn a lot about ourselves, how we react and adapt to change, deal with anxieties and find ways to support each other. Very at home in my own company, and at other times very happy to be in company at home, I am struggling to marry the two together so I can get into my own head space and then out of it again when there is someone else in the house. I think it's fair to say it's a work in progress, compounded by the someone else in the house having to learn how best to do this too!  Thank goodness for separate walks in the sunshine, with or without the dog!

PS  I am pleased to report that whilst writing this, a replacement tap valve has now been purchased -  perhaps there's something to be said for procrastination after all!