Self Care

For someone who has spent the past eight weeks either wearing her incredibly loose fitting little black wool dress, or pyjamas, there is a danger in comfort eating that may only be discovered in March at the end of my dress challenge when I revert back to wearing my other clothes - many of which involve a waistband.

Increasingly conscious of this fact, whilst at the same time consuming, what has felt like, my own body weight in chocolate, I was perhaps more surprised than I should have been to discover the parallels between my life and that of an 'emotional eater'.

On the rather helpful helpguide.org website that I happened upon, amongst the causes for emotional eating are stress, a numbing of emotions and boredom or feelings of emptiness. The reasoning behind which are all very straight forward.  Stress produces the hormone cortisol, cortisol triggers cravings for salty, sweet and fried food, eating said food may momentarily satisfy the craving (except unlike with actual physical hunger you don't stop when you're full up).  Emotions can be "stuffed down" or temporarily silenced as food becomes a diversion from feeling things you'd rather not confront, and loneliness or boredom can be alleviated by filling the void with food.  In all of these instances the underlying emotion goes unchecked.  Stressed, fearful and bored.... what is that ringing sound I hear?!

The idea then being that you go on to work out your triggers and look for different ways to provide what you need, a premise that is, in itself,  not new to me.

This week I have been trying hard to focus on self care.  By working out that my lockdown overwhelm is in part driven by feelings of insecurity over not knowing what the future holds,  I would be best served to find things that make me feel safe and secure... wearing the sweatshirt that my beautiful big sister bought me - with the high neck that I can disappear into, wrapping myself up in a blanket of an evening on the sofa, and using the excuse of the cold weather to go to sleep with a hot water bottle on my belly.  Loss of control being pacified by the methodical working through of a to-do list of small achievable jobs. Feelings of being weighed down by the seriousness of the world counteracted, if only for a few moments, by spinning round a lamppost when a break in the rainclouds brought an unexpected sight of the sun.  

What is new to me, is that these feelings are also behind my rushing to the chocolate cupboard.  The trick is now to find other ways to deal with the panic I feel as I seek to satiate my sugar craving.  Go and stroke the dogs, breathe, dance, sing (just what the maths class is missing!  It wouldn't be long before "Please do not sing" was added to the "You are live on Channel 4, please do not swear" warning that currently accompanies my entering the room!).

The key is to take the urgency out of eating, to slow things down. To take five minutes to sit down with a cup of tea (made in a teapot) and possibly even enjoy the treat that is Bed & Breakfast toast, where it has gone cold in the toast rack, rather than eat it straight off the breadboard in the kitchen as a quick fix.

Or to wait, the anticipation building by the minute, as the aroma of freshly baked rock buns fills the room, because Mr L has no idea that I'm sitting writing about eating less.  But as long as I take my time, relax and savour every mouthful I think that counts as putting what I've learned into practice!